I’m such a narcissist, I see myself in other people
I love the way I love them
Which is why I think I lasted so long last time
I was providing my own affection through someone else
So what do I love besides myself?
A warm body?
No
I see you, I see everyone and I see goodness
I love you, you don’t love me but in my head you do
But it’s not you
When I think about the way you love me, when we talk and I smile
It is my words which warm my heart
To know that I am so capable of love
To know how purely I love you
And I’m satisfied
I can be satisfied
Until it’s not enough one day
And I wake up and realise that the way I feel for you isn’t enough to sustain me
You love me just like I love you
And it’s not imaginary
I don’t pretend
I believe it, until I realise
Until this moment, right now writing this
I realised that I never felt anyone else’s love
I realised that I was happiest giving
But it wasn’t just a kindness
It was a fault in my very being
A fault which leaves me needing someone to love
To survive