Let me explain
I can recite the entirety of a song without skipping a beat whilst dancing but at the same time be thinking about my friends
And how they are so aged, how we’ve matured before our time through struggle and still hold a light
And hope
And strength
Then, noticing that I’m thinking whilst singing and dancing and deciding to write about how hectic my mind is
And questioning why it is that I can think and sing and step outside of that and think again
And still manage to trail it all back
But I don’t know the answer
Until I realise - whilst singing, dancing, thinking and thinking - that the reason I can do this is because I spent my years drowning out an obnoxiously loud life
My music full volume, always
My mind runs on and on until I get caught in a loop and have to clamber back to the root
And then somehow I try to explain it and I fall short
Because there is so much happening in my mind
Always
That I can barely touch on the reality of it
Teeth catch my tongue, eyes dart as I search my mental map
I’m opening boxes, fumbling as I try to catch the words to explain myself and I fail
So I simplify
And you don’t even get half of me
But I’m trying.